Imaginary Sails

A Good, Good Night…

I’ve gotten into a little habit. There’s a little thought I think every single evening and I share it out loud with my husband every few days or so. It’s always similar always around the same few words ‘tonight’s the night! He’s going to sleep all night! 8pm-8am!’ Which is a bit ridiculous to even say out loud since it has never ever happened in his almost 14 months of life.

That’s where the Black Eyes Peas ‘I Got A Feelin’ song comes in – I don’t care who you are, you’ve heard it at some point. ‘Tonight’s gunna be a good night, tonight’s gunna be a good good night, 0000OOOO0000!’ That song goes through my head almost every night, often while brushing my teeth.

I think that’s something every parent can relate to. I have no idea if we will ever get 12 whole hours out of him, I’d happily take 10 hours with just one or two wake ups! id happily take the 7 hour stretch he’s done a handful of times just to get our hopes up.

Anyway what I am getting at is that as parents we are always hoping for an improvement somewhere, for many it’s sleep, for many it’s their child’s eating habits, perhaps behaviour. There’s always something.

And with that something can come frustration,  sleep deprivation, research, trying everything, not knowing what to try, and most importantly that hope.

I’ve been so surprised at how frustrated I can get at my sweet little munchkin in those wee hours during the multiple wake ups. He doesn’t seem like my sweet little munchkin by that second wake up forget the third,fourth, and fifth. He pulls on my hair for comfort and that drives me nuts and I always find it so hard to keep my zen once the hair grabbing starts and his little arms are getting so long that no matter how I hold him he seems to be able to get at the little curly hairs at the back of my neck – perfect for getting his somehow always sticky fingers caught in.

I’ve been getting frustrated with myself for my frustration with him and just when I was near the end of my patience (but really where is that for parents? The end? It might be a unicorn) I saw something on good old Facebook about enjoying all these moments and that we would never be so loved, so needed. That is so overwhelming. It is a big responsibility and you know that in a practical way but if you really really think about it oh my!

So enjoy is the wrong word but I’ve been trying to at least embrace some of those middle of the night  moments. Being more patient. Taking an extra long inhale of his baby smell. Noticing how big he is getting in my arms. And it all helps. I don’t manage it with every wake up, but with more of them and I love those moments so much. I won’t miss them when they are gone but I might as well soak them in for all their sweetness while they are here.

A good, good night. Trying to embrace the middle of the night with my littoe one.


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